.Do Over.

Someone on Livejournal asked bloggers : "If you were given a life do-over card, would you keep it or give it to a friend? If you kept it, would you prefer to be born to the same or different parents? Would you want to keep your memories?" My answer : I would take it and do three areas of my life over, while still keeping the memories I have now (and the progression I've made in my artwork too). My high school life, college life, and the year I was 13 years old. The only reason for doing over my 13th year of life is ask my dad so many questions I was too young to think about asking. He died a few months before I turned 14 and so many things were left unsaid and unanswered. I would have told him to get checked by a doctor (without being all weird and prophetic somehow).. an exam to catch his cancer before it killed him, or at least keep him around longer before it took his life away from us so suddenly, so we could at least prepare to say goodbye instead of instantly losing him. I miss that man. 2nd reason is redo my high school years. There were so many resources available to me, and I was too busy farting around being the 'angsty' teenager I was to make good use of them. I would have a better relationship with my mother because I now know (as I am a mother now) why she did the things she did to keep me safe and out of trouble. I would choose better friends, and have a closer relationship with my cousin who went to school with me. And be nicer to my two best friends (who I still have around now, thank God. They've put up with a lot.) Realize I didn't have to have those horrid anxiety attacks every night for 3 years. And most of all, have a better relationship with my sister. I was mean to her practically all our lives. A bully. It's tarnished our relationship, I think, beyond repair as of right now. Hopefully, that outlook will change. Also be nice to my step dad. We have an awesome relationship now, but I hated him with a passion when he got together with my mom. (well, some of it was deserved due to earlier-in-life issues when my dad was alive, but I didn't know the art of forgiveness back then) I was a very mean, selfish person growing up. I hate that, more than anyone can ever know. 3rd reason is redo my college years. I would have been more responsible with my money (or.. just responsible period. I was terrible with my grant money.) I would pay attention to school more than friends and manage my time wisely. I would be nicer to the people who actually meant well and get rid of the people putting drama in my life. For some reason I clung on to the drama-inducing ones and shunned the level headed ones who's company I really needed and didn't realize it. I wouldn't experiment with the drugs I did. I would make time to see my grandparents and cousins, so they all wouldn't grow up and grow older without me like they did. Maybe I would have graduated college if I hadn't had spent my money on stupid useless crap and kept up with my studies. And of course I would keep the same parents. My dad was the most wonderful man who was ripped from my family's life too soon and too sudden because of cancer. I'm happy I got to spend the first 13 years of my life with him. I got my artistic talent from his genes. If only I got his dancing moves too.. I don't have a rhythmic bone in my body.. hurgh. My mom is the best mother ever and I wouldn't be who I was today if it weren't for her and her wisdom. I'm also a clone of her, pretty much. I like the way I look and wouldn't want to change that. Plus, she's a spaz like me. We're hilarious when we're together.

Posted via email from Vermilion Finch